Monday, November 8, 2010

140. Don't date guys with MORE than two fantasy leagues...

There's his undergrad friends, B-school buddies, dudes from his trading desk and male cousins... There are only 24 hours in a day and the added pressures of not two, but THREE rosters to manage and you will probably find yourself at the bottom of his list of priorities.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

138. Don't be his 138th, or some other Giant number...

Yes, they won the world series, but unless you knew that Buster Posey played shortstop for the 'Noles his freshman year, try and keep your clothes on if you pass him, or any other player, on the street.

Let's Go Giants!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

137. There is only one stall in the restroom at Bus Stop.

So if you and your man of the hour decide to monopolize said stall to do the dirty, at least figure out how to lock the main door to the ladies. We get that you might be feeling a bit randy since the Giants just won the World Series (heyooo!), but it might be best to pick a venue with a more private restroom situation... especially when there's a line of females that need to break the seal.

Friday, October 22, 2010

136. Investigate before replying to his salacious text if it's been a while since you've communicated...

otherwise, after an innocent visit to his fb page in anticipation of the reunion HE requested, you may find yourself debating whether you're morally obligated to tell his girlfriend he's propositioning chicks via SMS.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

135. Skip the pre-date shot/glass of wine/cocktail while you're getting ready...

if you have to booze to loosen up beforehand, the two of you probably aren't that compatible to begin with or you have self-esteem issues you should consider resolving first. He'll stare blankly at you from across the table wondering how a glass and a half of wine got you so hammered and you'll undoubtedly find yourself a week later wondering why he hasn't called.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Friday, September 17, 2010

133. Fleet Week is upon us

It's finally here. San Francisco's best (and last) huge summer event includes day drinking and enjoying the Blue Angels fly overhead. Fleet Week is officially October 7-12 this year, but the huge day to party is always Saturday, so make sure you have plans for the 9th. Since one of us threw a rager of a roof party last year that resulted in someone falling into the skylight (oops!), this year we'll be attending the Summersalt Music Festival. Use this discount code for $5 off tickets: HowToBeSingleSF

Thursday, September 16, 2010

132. Don't Sext

If he's not your boyfriend you should think twice before pressing send on that suggestive text or naughty pic. In addition to the fact that phones allow you to forward picture texts (risky)... there is a chance you will still end up feeling like a whore.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

131. Said texter should also be blocked from gchat.

The texting had ceased and you assumed it was over and done with. But oh no! Turns out 5 days later, he makes a reappearance! He finds you on gchat, tries to put you down, and then swoops in for the gchat block! Oooh, feel the burn! Secretly, we hope he continues to make appearances... it makes for excellent content!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

130. Texting can absolutely be a deal breaker.

If you're debating whether or not to meet a guy in person for the first time (whether its a blind date set up through friends, thread or match), texting can be a great means of deciding whether or not its actually worth your time. Pictures and bios are one thing, but wit, character and chemistry can be somewhat indicated through text (or gchat or email).

First he asks you if your photos are recent and if you still look the same- so you immediately assume he's a tool. Yet you find yourself "trying to be open-minded" and could probably still meet the guy (but don't go out of your way to change your schedule).

But then you notice close to 50% of his texts include "Lol" so now you also assume he's an idiot.

And THEN he sends 3 texts in a row with zero response so seems clingy/needy/weird.

He apparently has a track record of accusing women of being "flakes." Well here's a newsflash, buddy- you have to bail on actual plans to be a flake, and if after talking a bit females decide they have no interest in going out of their way to meet you after all, its not because they're flakes. It's because regardless of any initial curiosity you've come across like a complete loser and she changed her mind. Otherwise known as She's Just Not That Into You. Next. (LOL!)

Monday, August 23, 2010

129. Determine the duration of your visit beforehand...

you wouldn't want to spend 45 minutes risking your life on the 22 only to be informed an hour in that he has a GMAT review session that afternoon. When he said he wanted to "show you his new place in Mission," he actually meant just that (go figure!...oh, and get into your pants) - a far cry from the afternoon you'd imagined exploring Mission thrift shops and enjoying the sunset from Dolores park with burritos and Tecate. The same logic can be applied for the times you break #87.

Then again, if you aren't willing to make the journey perhaps you don't like them enough. More importantly, if they're unwilling to trek to your locale, perhaps they just aren't that into y....yeah you know where that's going.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

128. Don't update your gchat message with the outcome or hopes for your date...

Depending on your Settings, in coordinating your date/upcoming rendez-vous, gmail may have automatically added him to your chat list thereby giving him direct visibility into your opinions of him. yikes.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

127. Ask friends to refrain from updates on the last time they saw your ex

If you haven't see a friend in awhile and one of the first things she brings up is, "oh so I've been seeing so-and-so every single time I go out and..." stop it right there. No one wants to hear about how their ex boyfriend is blacked out every time he makes an appearance in the Marina. Save yourself the unnecessary embarrassment and make it clear you have zero interest in anything he's up to.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

126. Don't date guys whose email address is their

It's a bit of a red flag for arrogance (okay who are we kidding... its a big red flag for arrogance) to have your own and make it your email. If you want someone more down to earth (and less obsessed with himself) stick with dudes that use the the regular ole and you'll be fine. Another red flag is but that's an entirely different issue...

Monday, August 2, 2010

125. Don't ask questions when he talks about his "friend"...

In conversation males will refer to the companions with whom they shoot hoops, compare investment strategies and also owns a Y chromosome as "buddies." Conversely, when he says a "friend is in town for the weekend," it's a safe assumption this friend isn't just coming to catch a game and will have an eyelash curler and extra bag for shoes in tote.

Whereas buddies sleep on the couch, "a friend" sleeps in his bed...and lets face it, is probably blonde.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

124. Limit yourself to one electronic medium...

If calling/texting is your only form of communication do not expand into email - all it will do is create another forum in which you will find yourself waiting for his response.

121. Educate him on the fact he's not an asshole...

Boys like to think they've turned your world upside down and that you will be at a complete loss without them so leaving you makes them a bad guy. Explain to him that he ended it in a respectable, adult fashion and nothing about it qualifies him as a dick or douchebag. You were fine before him, clearly you'll be fine after.

Excuse me, Sir, would you mind taking yourself off your pedestal for a moment?

120. Don't assume just because he's married that he won't hit on you

Sometimes we girls think its "safe" to make friends with a dude that has a girlfriend because we assume that means he won't try to hit on us. Yeah well I think we've all seen where this ends up going. Same goes for married men apparently. You find yourself networking (see 119) at an after-party at a conference and suddenly he wants to get just one more drink... and then another. When he starts getting touchy you bring up the ring on his finger and ask questions about his last decade of marriage but oh no, he STILL tries to go up to your hotel room with you. Though this is frustrating and evokes questions like "Do guys from San Francisco ever grow up?" we remain optimists who like to think that one day we will find someone that's so into us they decide to keep it in their pants, even when they're out of town.

119. Master the tricky art of "Networking" with the opposite sex

When you're at a networking event, and you meet someone who suggests that instead of just joining your mailing list like you suggested you should in fact grab coffee next week, oh wait, maybe drinks actually because he already has a lot of coffee in the day, something wasn't communicated just right. It can be tricky when you're trying to meet people for business related reasons but be clear with men you're intentions instead of saying "oh yeah that'd be great" because you feel awkward and don't want to be mean.

118. There should be another chapter of He's Just Not That Into You

You can tell a guy likes you when he's generous in bed. Well even more telling than it never happening altogether is when he used to be generous, but suddenly has zero interest in pleasing you (yet expects head every single time you makeout). Trust your instincts- if he stops being attentive and caring about your experience in bed he's just not that into you... so go find someone who is!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

117. Insist he end calls on his car speakerphone when you enter the vehicle...

With laws now in place prohibiting holding a cell phone while driving, the market has responded with speaker and other hands-free solutions standard in most automobiles. While we appreciate this utility to make their commutes to Sand Hill or SoMa more productive, a non-biz call should be immediately terminated once you're buckled. He will appreciate your respect for his privacy, not to mention that you don't want to hear about his ex-gf, and her visit, last week, from his sister who was actually quite thrilled they might be getting back together!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

116. Move to the Midwest if you want a relationship.....

If you ask a man why he moved to San Francisco odds are he wont reply, "to fall in love and get married." In the heart of technology and as a major financial hub, our city's bachelors spend more energy engaging with clients to secure new business than worrying about finding Miss Right next Friday at North Star. Take a hint from these hard working guys and concentrate on your own professional development. Determine why you absolutely must succeed,set high goals, and do the hard work to achieve them. San Francisco is ripe with innovation and it would be a shame to not use the region's uniqueness to fulfill your maximum potential.

115. Stop blacking out..

You’re 100% more attractive when you’re upright and smiling and able to retouch your makeup as opposed to facedown on a Johnny Rockets table. If you’ve spent weeks looking forward to an event, try to moderate your alcohol consumption so that you will actually be able to remember replacing your iPhone/Blackberry/Droid/North Face/Digital Camera can get quite expensive.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

114. Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

Neither of us have read this book, but we found this book outline passed along in an email chain a little over a year ago and found it interesting. Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others is unique because it has statistical evidence backing up the conclusions- data was taken from 3,000 interviews of couples getting their marriage license.

The reviews on Amazon of this book were quite controversial: the conclusion that women who are overweight are much less likely to marry was certainly not well-received by women who fell into that category. Oops, the statistics have spoken! Keep hitting that gym, ladies!

Monday, February 1, 2010

113. Be open to dating unemployed guys...

In 2008 and 2009 a great number perfectly eligible bachelors found themselves without jobs. Much to their chagrin, many are still leisurely laid-off or recent MBA/JDs without a market to enter and apply their post-graduate skills. The stud you met day drinking at North Star may have not had a job, but he has ambition and dedication which are a sure ticket to success in whatever they choose to apply themselves.

Friday, January 22, 2010

112. Identify when you are on "Time-Out"

Whether we mean to or not, sometimes we behave in a way that is displeasing to the male of interest. The spectrum of actions which may qualify as "inappropriate behavior" spans anywhere from drinking too much and crying to mentioning he spray tans in front of his friends... and lets not forget the golden oldie: flirting with another guy in front of him. Oops. While these incidents aren't deal breakers (considering where you fall on the hot vs crazy graph) don't be alarmed when your texts and e-mails go unanswered for a period of time.

Neglect is the worst punishment and they know it. Acknowledge your bad behavior and try to learn from your mistakes. Cease attempting to make contact until they give you the go-ahead or it will prolong the torture. Try to enjoy the time away from your situation and concentrate on yourself. Great distractions could be a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon, relaxing facial, or drinks with that guy with the big biceps.

Monday, January 18, 2010

111. Don't date guys who have posted videos of themselves on YouTube or Facebook.

While we will all agree that we want a guy with sense of humor there are times when their displays of wit are downright narcissistic. Case in point: Online video postings. In general these are meant to make us laugh, but more often than not, they make us want to barf. Any guy who expends that much energy trying to portray himself in a given light will likely never put out that much energy towards you. If he thinks people actually care enough to watch his asinine videos it will be impossible to get close to him...mostly because his head is so big you won't fit in the same room.

Monday, December 21, 2009

110. Keep friends strictly in the friend zone because you can never go back

Oh the joys of platonic friendship; a boy who texts back immediately, is fairly easy on the eyes and you can trust! With all of these things going for the guy it can sometimes be hard to not develop a childlike crush. They know what you look like without makeup, have wiped your tears when you've cried and given advice regarding your professional development ~ all requirements generally fulfilled by a boyfriend. You have the perfect relationship, and then, enter alcohol.....

A couple cocktails later (actually,a lot of cocktails later) you find your lips pressed against his and his hand reaching for your jeans button. Stop,NOW. Once you cross this line there is no going back, everything from here on out will painfully the point you find yourselves texting Beyonce lyrics back and forth. Anything past a hungover cuddle sesh and you've done in the friendship. You have far more to gain, like access to each other's cute friends, by keeping it G-rated.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

109. Ho Ho Ho

Tis the season to give and get gifts for your most precious loved ones- and if you're dating someone, chances are you might be exchanging gifts with them too. Unless you've either been in said relationship for a significant amount of time or this type of behavior is explicitly requested of you, please do NOT send links of all your favorite pieces of jewelry via email. Most guys refer to a "here are a couple hints (wink wink)" email with a long list of choice items selected from the Tiffany's catalog as their worst nightmare realized.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

108. Keep him at the same distance you are kept from his friends.

If the guy you're dating doesn't introduce you to a single one of his friends and keeps you completely hidden from them, it's a red flag that he thinks he could do better, or potentially involve those six lethal words (hint! ends with: "not that into you").Oh, you mean you want to be secret friends? No chance, Shane West.

He likely wants to continue to be seen by his friends as the ultimate bachelor, ready to game on anything he considers a "7 or above," and has already introduced too many of your kind to his friends he doesn't want to have to explain what happened when you stop appearing. If your interactions with his friends have been merely brief encounter when you two rendez-vous at 1am, feel free to guiltlessly accept an invitation for drinks or Mr. September's offer to grab a bite now that CFA is over.

107. Brains vs Beauty Quandry

Much like our post on the Hot vs Crazy infographic, we bring you the Brains vs Beauty quandry.

Obviously we would all like to land the smoking hot guy from your triathlon team who also happened to be valedictorian of his high school, but for the meantime this determines whether or not someone is worth dating. Not much else to say here, folks. Honestly evaluate where you fall in your current situationship and adjust your expectations accordingly. Enjoy.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

106. Don't Date Bartenders.

If you play with fire, you're going to get burned. If you date someone whose job is to flirt, you will also suffer the same fate. They have far too many excuses to throw at you when they don't show up by 4am the way they said they would..."Sorry babe, I had to help Daniel take the trash out back and figured you'd be asleep by then." Except Daniel is really a Danielle, but, she is trash and he probably did take her out back....

Also, unless we're talking about the cuties who own Tonic, their egos are likely undeserved. A certain bartender at Savoy even believes since we're lacking the star-studded nightlife of NY and LA, that we've made bartenders our celebrities to idolize and fawn over. Silly bartender, that's why we have bankers! Ditch the "but he gives me free drinks" excuse, take out your Hobo International Lauren Clutch and buy your own booze.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

105. Keep the dishing to a minimum

Everyone likes chatting and sharing stories about the guy(s) they are dating. But please don't bore friends with every minute detail of your boy-related meals/texts/emails/interactions. Even Balloon Boy is more interesting than a conversation with a girlfriend who relates pretty much any point of discussion to something "so and so" did that week. Furthermore, the more people you tell about an endearing moment or cute IM the less special it becomes - being private about whats happening between you two will make the relationship much more exciting and prevent your friends from thinking your psycho.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

104. Don't make promises you can't keep

If there is a chance you wont be able to follow through with plans, it is better to say No outright than risk the reputation of unreliable and flaky. You will find you cease to be invited to things if you are known for bailing at the last second. This can be applied to dates, social organizations, sexual favors, and birthday celebrations.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

103. Go off the record

Gchat, the necessary communication tool that prevents us from ever achieving 100% productivity, has likely caused the demise of more relationships than it has fostered. In addition to encouraging false intimacy, it cleverly saves all of your past conversations and flirtations. Sadly, people are curious, and should you forget to close your gmail your special someone will assuredly take the opportunity to search through for incriminating emails and randy Friday afternoon chats. To prevent this from happening, be sure to select "Go off the Record" in the window tab "Video & more." There is no need to jeopardize a potentially meaningful relationship with your main squeeze on account of them stumbling upon NSFW convos with your sumthin'sumthin' on the side.

Monday, September 21, 2009

102. Take the opportunity to play the player*

Common sense would dictate the guy you are seeing would think it unwise to come to your birthday party with a girl he used to hook up with. Quite the contrary, men are opportunistic and if they see a chance to "put in time" with both of you at the same event, they will most definitely do so. While we understand the logic of killing two birds with one stone, we do not however have to endorse it. Luckily, two can play at this game! Since he's dumb enough to think that your friends wont tell you he asked the other girl to drinks on a Monday, you can be prepared for his inevitable IMs later the same evening, of course never letting on that you know exactly what he's up to.

*But only do so for a limited time, try and beat him at his own game for too long, and you'll likely only end up in his bed.....

Thursday, September 17, 2009

101. Make sure you and your friend have opposing tastes in men

If she likes them tall, dark and handsome while you prefer them, well, tall, blonde and athletic, you will never find yourself in competition for anyone's attention and will therefore avoid needless tears and drama.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

100. Learn to love that it's a small, small city

... chances are if you've made out with or dated a guy, at least one other girl you know has too. If you hook up with a guy you met at Balboa, you can be pretty positive you'll see him at Tipsy Pig, possibly even with a date. Though alarming at first, these occurrences should not be making you upset. Everybody knows everyone somehow, and we all seem to go to the same places, so figure out how to stomach your BayClub crush hitting on someone fug at ESW, and always have an escape route should your supposed one-nighter make eye contact with you from across Royal Exchange.

Friday, August 28, 2009

99. Don't hate girls

There is something to be said about a girl that (a) gets along with other girls in a group setting ("cute shoes!") and/or (b) has a solid group of girlfriends. Conversely, there is shit to be talked about the girl that (a) glares at every other female within a 15ft radius and/or (b) claims to just "not get along with girls." Yeah yeah girls can be catty/dramatic/etc but if you don't have close girlfriends that probably means there is something wrong with you.

Being able to "hang with the guys" has its appeal, but guys appreciate a certain degree of femininity and sometimes it's nice having your own separate interests you can enjoy separately with people who share the same gender (ie- fantasy football vs 90s themed sleepover parties with wine, girltalk, and a screening of Sarah Jessica Parker's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun).

98. Do not date boys who have hooked up with Mas Sake waitresses

It is common knowledge that these girls are hot, and while it is good to date guys who date hot girls (making you hot by default too), knowing that his former hookup/gf is serving you food and cocktails will ruin this fun and unique dining experience.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

97. Goldilocks and the Three Dudes

We're beginning to notice a trend. First, you date the nice/safe/good guy who is kind of a pushover but he fawns over you and makes you happy (...aaaand then you get bored). Next, you go to the opposite extreme and date the asshole who has an edge to him but doesn't necessarily treat you well. He's self-absorbed and you find that attractive because it keeps you on your toes, but he's all sorts of wrong for you. Third, you find that happy medium... the guy that's juuuust right. He has the intrigue to keep you interested and (shocker!) treats you well too. And you appreciate him THAT much more now that you know how much the other two blow.

Monday, August 24, 2009

96. Understand that there are many different roles within this field they call "Finance"

Boys are always chomping at the bit to tell you about their strenuous job at whatever bank/holdings/capital/blah blah blah. Now, since we've all gotten the "I'm an I-banker, worship me" line from a two-piece suit clad Happy Hourer, D. Cohen has provided the outline below to help navigate the multiple titles within the industry.

10.Teller (yes he works at a bank...but lets be real)
9. Commercial Banker (scum of the earth)
8. Mortage Banker (
7. Investment banking intern at any of the following banks (cowen, jefferies, morgan joeseph, twp....aka boutiques)
6. Structured products (could mean a lot of things, most suck, some are awesome, avg it out and its still lame)
5. Janitor at Goldman Sachs (85 Broad is 85 Broad)
4. Retail Fixed income sales (institutional above retail)
3. Traders (again a lot, some suck, most are awesome)
2. Investment banker at any bank
1. Investment banker at Goldman JPM, Morgan Stanley

Friday, August 21, 2009

95. If you're crazy, you better be hot

Let's face it- we all have a certain degree of crazy somewhere deep inside of us. But how much is tolerable, and how much is too much? Barney on How I Met Your Mother defines this with the crazy/hot graph. If you're the girl who makes a fool of herself on the first (or second) date, better make sure you're hitting the gym or tanning salon on the regular.

94. Don't date a "professional" pick-up artist

If teaching men how to get laid is your boyfriend's profession and primary source of income, you might want to reconsider dating him. And when he cheats on you (which he will), the time has come to move on. Women are attracted to drama, the "bad boy," and men who are just downright wrong for them. Whatever your vice, stay FAR away from the pickup artist! Besides the obvious reasons, these guys are complete tools.

93. Rules are meant to be broken

Yes, you said you would only accept full-blown date invitations....but meeting up for "a drink" can't really be that bad. Admit to yourself you're a sucker for blonde locks and gabardine trousers and promise to do better next time.

92. There is such a thing as a guy being too prude

Apparently there are men out there who seem like the perfect catch on the surface... until you discover they don't enjoy fooling around in the bedroom. Physical chemistry is an important element to any relationship so if his ex-girlfriend complained that he was prude, he probably is. And you should get the hell outta there.

91. Keeping it "On Campus" is uber convenient

If you date a guy with an apartment 5 blocks away from yours it makes weeknight sleepovers extremely practical, sometimes necessary.

90. Know your beverage of choice

This way when old man river/hot guy at bar/crush asks you what you'd like to drink, you won't seem like an airhead as you stand there muttering "umm..ummm...uhhh" for a minute debating between Chardonnay and vodka.

whiskey soda please!

89. Multi-sport athletes are a fantastic choice

Due to the versatility of their workouts, triathletes have the best bodies. You could even rock this t-shirt!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

88. If it starts in a bar, it will end in a bar

When your only definitive common interest is alcohol, you are mixing up a cocktail for disaster. The verdict is still out on if this applies if you saw each other first at the gym but first spoke at a bar.....

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

87. Additionally, avoid uber-B&T folk...

San Francisco attracts tourists from all over the world. Consequently, there are many men out and about with clever accents and masterful language skills that they've perfected solely to get your clothing off your body. Tricky. Though convenient since they are leaving and you'll never see them again,foreigners are commonly afflicted with things like Hepatitis C,D and E and you don't stand a chance being that there aren't even vaccines for those.

If your foreigner has recently taken up residence in the city, make sure he's been here for at least 6 months.

86. Stay away from B&T folk...

and for that matter, anyone below the Mason-Dixon line (yes, that means Geary) You will naturally avoid these men all on your own based on their demeanor, but any mention of San Jose or Fairfield and you should make your exit immediately. Make sure he lives in San Francisco proper, and on that note....NOT with his parents.

*There is a standing exception for Cal and Stanford grad students**

85. Don't just "grab a drink" with a new guy

This generally indicates that he is unsure of your worth and doesn't know if he wants to invest the time/money into a full meal....but still wants to get into your pants. Pass.

Friday, August 7, 2009

84. Distance makes the heart grow fonder

Yes, we love the our City by the Bay, but there too much of a good thing does exist. Take a vacation with some gfs, run a marathon in another state, go on a mini-break with the man du jour. Some time away will make you appreciate how great life is here - don't worry, the cute guys who seem to frequent Mauna Loa will still be there when you get back.

83. Take it easy during August

Labor Day:San Fran:: Memorial Day:The rest of America

SF Summer doesn't start until September, so now would be the time to cut back on the booze,and hit the gym/Dailey in preparation for events such as Fleet Week and Americano Happy Hour Season.

Business school apps are due in October, so many worthwhile guys are locked away studying for the GMAT anyways.
~~ Meister and Tarun, keep it up!!! and cheers to Derek for a droolworthy score ~~

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

82. Set a precedent with your friends regarding what you tell each other if the other sees a former/current guy "with" another girl

However, if he's not your boyfriend (and has never been anything close to that) opt out of any information. This way when she goes home with his roommate and walks in on him having sex with another never have to know! and it's a non-issue. I mean, would you want him knowing who YOU were hooking up with?

Probably not.

81. Stop dating him immediately if he does not know what doggy style is

Take it as a clue that you will never be sexually satisfied, and when you end it with him, he'll behave like a little girl.

boys, if this is you, check it out

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

80. Hooking up with a past guy's friend so that you no longer hook up with him is ineffective fact, it may actually cause his radar to go off and extend an invitation to "hang out"

79. Establish relationship status early on in the conversation

...nothing is worse than wasting an hour of your evening chatting up a guy who drops the "girlfriend" bomb at 1:59am.
Asking up front will never hurt, and you wont be prevented from talking to (or getting drinks from) the other hot guys there.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

78. It is necessary to be friends with I-bankers for their Bloomberg

...because sometimes facebook search just isn't enough.

"You must rely on capital markets" -D. Cohen

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

77. Do not take advice from your non-single friends

Yes, while this may seem counter intuitive- their grasp of the reality of the situation is likely clouded by their relationship, and heaven forbid, they may let you send an unsolicited text......

Thursday, June 25, 2009

76. Do not carry your iPhone in your hand

Over the past three weeks alone three people we know have had their iPhones literally ripped from their hands, one was even held at gunpoint. While you may be obsessed with the KOL album and find it a soundtrack to your life, it's not worth being assaulted.

Be especially weary on the 22 below the Mason-Dixon Line (aka Geary)
And contrary to popular belief, AT&T CANNOT track it using GPS, and nor will it be replaced for free if you file a police report.

Friday, June 19, 2009

75. Diversify your gym routine

Sure the boys playing basketball look great all sweaty from your perch on the stair climber, but you will probably be pleasantly surprised by what the lap pool and weight room have to offer.

Suggestion: bring a best friend along to explore.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

74. Know when you are in his "back pocket"

It can be anything from an ex IMing telling you that a poem he found written by you made him smile while cleaning out his CFA stuff, or a boy you dated a couple quarters ago calling to see if your free for a drink, or texting just to say Hi - either way, he's likely checking in to make sure you don't hate him so he can hook up with you should things not workout with his current situation.

Monday, June 8, 2009

73. If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again!

This may apply to anything from putting on fake eyelashes, taking Caroline Jordan's spin class, or finally snagging that cute red-head. Though some things may prove difficult at first- persistence is key if you want to achieve the desired results.

**do not use this as license to be obsessive...that would make you a psycho

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

72. Meeting people through friends and at events is key

You don't want to say "oh, we met wasted at bar." MUCH cooler would be something like "we met at this Murder Mystery Dinner Theater event..."

Deadline to sign up is this Friday- buy your tickets today at

71. Congratulations- the San Francisco Bay Area ratio is in OUR favor!

Unlike our single girlfriends in Chicago and NYC, we apparently have plenty of men to go around

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

70. Don't bring boys home unless they are carrying some sort of ID

....Passport, Drivers License, Military or Student ID, they'll all suffice. If you do, perhaps his costume didn't allow for them, make sure you at least know his friends.

69. Only engage in this particular activity with someone with whom you are in a "commited, monogomous relationship"

....any STD you get from sex you can also get through oral contact. Keep it real by keepin' it safe kids.

68. If you bring a boy home with you, and upon departure he asks to find you on a "social networking site", you must refrain from friending him

...Reward yourself if you make it to a week without doing so, and then again at a month! Also congratulate yourself for bringing back someone so well versed in 2.0 lingo. (actually, that could be a bad thing...he could have just said facebook, then again, at least he didn't say MySpace, eek)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

67. Plan breakups around Festival Season

Events such as Bay2Breakers are Fleet Week are prime opportunities for makeouts and best spent single!

Monday, May 11, 2009

67. Cocktails First, Questions Later

This may cause you to have a huge hangover and giant case of regret the next morning, but that is nothing a text to your best friend, greasy omelet and a long run can't fix!

PS Don't bother trying to find your dignity under the bar stool at Balboa. I mean, lets face it, you probably lost it in college.

66. If he doesn't give you attention, cut him loose

If he is socially inept and perfectly fine going an extended period of time sans communication (emails, texts, phone calls, etc...) he is either not that into you, not worth your time or has Asperger's Syndrome. Or perhaps all three! If you're single in the city this is not worth your time. Next!

Friday, May 8, 2009

65. It's better to be alone than have low standards

"Swinging for contact" and "lower your standards, double your average" is reserved for males and sluts.

***Caution*** A guy you think you are lowering your standards for may actually be in "your league." If this is the case, don't bemoan being alone as it's clearly something you are doing by choice.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

64. Learn to just HAVE FUN

Dating doesn't necessarily have to go ANYWHERE. Enjoy simply hanging out,the drunk texts and booty calls for what they are. Free yourself from expecting every guy who you hang out with a couple times to be your boyfriend and you will be much happier in the end.

Monday, May 4, 2009

63. Boys facebook stalk too...

censor those pictures so he has less to confer about with his roommates.

62. Accept that he has a type too, and it may not be you....

If he was hooking up with a blonde BEFORE you, but you're brunette, he'll probably be hooking up with a blonde AFTER you....Such affinities may pertain to bra size, hair color, or even a minimum body fat percentages in some cases (some guys are just chub chasers)...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

60. He's Just Not That Into You goes both ways...

if you're not into a guy, move on and find someone worth your time. there is no reason to waste time dating someone you're not excited about- give it a couple dates and if there's no chemistry... NEXT!

59. If you go home with a guy and he doesn't ask for your number, he probably doesn't think you're that hot

But if you look hotter the next time you run into him, he just might ask for it... and then you might even start dating!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

58. Support fundraisers/charity events in the city

... huge social opportunity, so raising money for a good cause just might be your ticket to meeting Mr. Right... or as we prefer, Mr. "Right Now"

57. He's probably giving you little tests here and there ...

sometimes guys will do things to see how you'll react, especially in the beginning. make sure you're on your best behavior. bonus points for buying him a drink at the bar every now and then.

56. The guy you're dating is NOT your dad

therefore you should not be financially reliant on him. once you start letting him (or heaven forbid expecting him) to pay for a good portion of the expenses in your life you've lost all credibility. and your friends will think you're cheap.

Friday, April 17, 2009

55. Oversized designer sunglesses are necessary for gracefully hiding hangovers

If there is a high probability you will shack it that night, consider packing them in your purse for the morning after.
Shacker Chic!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

54. SMILE!!!

Nobody likes a stuck-up bitch.

53. ESW and 330 Ritch are for lovers and Justin encourages you to makeout on the dance floor

...just not with DJ Sam Isaac.

Bonus point if you do though!

52. Don't Hate Men

FACT: men don't like "man-haters." They refer to such women as bitches, sluts, and probably a variety of other words we don't even know about. So don't be one!

51. Drop the Sorority Girl act...

You have a degree from a four year university in something, so, like, act accordingly.

This is especially true if you weren't even IN a house, and STILL act dumb as shit. Because then you don't even have an excuse.

50. Accept that your type is your type and you will be disappointed by anything less

... and by less we mostly mean shorter

49. Everyone in San Francisco is pale, the key is to be less pale than the girl next to you

its good to have at least a handful of friends with lounge chairs on their roofdecks in north beach and the marina, Shimmer in Union Square is a great option for the spray tans if you can't get in the sun or don't want to bake in a bed.

48.You must not respond to at least 4 of his late night texts before taking him up on his offer

....but you must still comply with #6 and #7

47. Know that you are not fat b/c your best friend still likes you

... and she's picky like that

46. If you remain friends with his friends after you stop talking, you must never bring him up

or they'll all think you're still in LOVE WITH HIM even though you actually are not...and saying that you're not makes you appear as if you really are.

45. ... and do not accept the money he gives you for your cab fare home unless you want to feel like a whore

If you're comfortable accepting the money, treat your best friend to coffee as you recount all the hot flashbacks.

44. The iPhone App Taximagic is a great tool for a quick escape the morning after

43. If he introduces you to his new girlfriend with a reference to the date they started dating

... he doesn't want you to mention to her you have hooked up since then in his bed

42. Going home with your roommate's crush will downgrade your relationship from "friend" to "roommate"

41. After your visit to Sarah Dee, make sure you have someone lined up so as not to waste $60

there's nothing worse than a wasted Brazilian. Unless "wasted Brazilian" is referencing a hot, drunk foreign man.... because that would be fabulous.

Refer to #38 if you would like to set up such an engagement

40. Making out with people from work is only acceptable when you know they're going to get laid off or relocated

39. If your parents are in town and rarely visit, resist introducing him to them unless he's calling you his girlfriend

38. If you text a guy "i want you to do me from behind from start to finish" he will probably do just that

37. if an ibanker takes you to a fancy restaurant, make sure you offer to cover the movie or at least morning after coffee run

otherwise he will assume you're using him for his money

36. After you stop dating a guy, his buddies will still think you guys are seeing each other

35. There is no more fulfilling moment than your doctor telling you you're clean

...down there

34. If you aren't dating a boy, "dating your marathon" provides a replacement

...likewise, alcohol complicates relationships with both

33. You can never own too many pairs of Lululemon

32. When an older man asks to see you, the lunch date is essential to make an easy exit

31. Do not dance with boys from the gym at 330 Ritch or ESW

...Monday afternoon will prove quite awkward

30. If you follow rules 2,3,6, and 7 and it fades......4 months later he WILL be back

29. Do not give your number to men you don't want to make-out with

... they will assuredly call

28. "Excuse me, are you single?" is an effective pick-up line

apparently so is "do you workout at BayClub?"

27. Your best friend is priceless

26. Fake eyelashes are a MUST for any night when photos will be taken

25. Avoid Pluto's during prime time dinner hours. Your ex WILL be there, with his new gf

..or I suppose old gf considering he cheated on you with her...

24. Do not drink a bit too much and dance with the cute boy from your bus stop Friday night

...Monday morning will prove quite awkward.

23. If his reputation precedes him's probably true

22. Do not read his email, no matter how tempting

21. G-chat during the day provides false intimacy

can be applied to a number of communication technologies. bottom line is that initial stage of "getting to know" someone should be done in-person. not over text, not on the phone, and most certainly not over g-chat

20. Going vegan makes you a Skinny Bitch

the bestselling book may not label itself for what it truly is (a vegan manifesto), however cutting animal products from your diet will absolutely have an effect on your waistline

19. SPANX works wonders

if 1 and 10 aren't really your style, you can always invest in Sara Blakely's patented creation at

18. Going to his parents house is WAY too serious

also- introducing him to yours before you reach "boyfriend/girlfriend" status is a major no

17. Everyone likes big boobs

16. Lipliner and lip gloss polishes your look

...white lip gloss, on the other hand, polishes your white trash look

15. Always order top shelf

Hangar Orange Soda, thank you!

14. Facebook will only cause pain

hopefully you don't still have a myspace, and if you do (and actively use it) you should probably delete it if you want anyone to take you seriously

13. Don't delete his number, you will only memorize it

(it starts with the area code...)

12. Sarah Dee at Cocoon works miracles

11. Stop talking to them - and they will start stalking you

10. The gym is a great way to blow off sexual frustrations

9. Plan B costs 48.95

8. If he hasn't asked too see you by 11:10pm on a weekend night, make sure you follow rules 2, 3, 6 and 7

7. Do not acknowledge calls after 2am

6. Do not acknowledge texts after 2am

5. Do not respond to texts that do not have a question

If they aren't soliciting a response, there is no need to give them one

4. High heels are a must to filter for tall men

(don't let the others squeak past with a good personality)

3. Never call

2. Do not initiate texting

1. If you are skinny, men will ask you to dinner

This is likely because psychologically they feel compelled to feed you- they are hunters, they give you meat. can help
as will